My heart is heavy today. I keep breaking into tears out of nowhere. I know this has something to do with these crazy hormones, but gosh darn it I am just sad today. It seems my time home with Baby Love is going to be cut shorter then I previously thought.
You see we were never really sure when I was supposed to return back to work. Someone told me after 60 days starting the day I had le bebe counting weekends, but now I am being told 6 weeks. Sadly 60 days and 6 weeks don't add up to the same things. 60 days is 2 weeks longer then 6 weeks.
I am trying to be strong and act like it is all ok, but I just never expected for all of this to be so hard on me. It has been really hard on me being home bound for such a long time. I have been home since the end of May and even though I have gotten out of the house some being super pregnant while it is really hot outside and then not being super comfortable at first getting out of the house alone with a newborn has kept me home most of my time off. So any chance to get out of the house has been difficult but welcome. Going back to work however just makes me sick to think about.
I LOVE spending all day everyday with my sweet baby girl. I feel like such a lucky girl because Mckinley has really been an easy baby. We have had maybe 3 nights since coming home that were a tad long and frustrating, but honestly we have been really lucky and I have enjoyed every single second with my little.
I don't mind sitting around all day long changing, feeding, rocking, playing, cuddling (repeat). These 5 short weeks have been the most amazing weeks of my life and I know that first day back is going to be absolutely awful. I know Mckinley is going to be kept by the fabulous Mrs. Julie so that makes me feel a tiny bit better, but it still hurts my heart to have to leave her.
I know I am lucky that I leave work much earlier then most people with babies and I have SO many days off and the summer spend with her. So I will keep pepping myself up and I will soak up every single second I can with my sweet Mckinley and I will suck it up and do what I've got to do.