Saturday, August 25, 2012


My emotions have been all over the place these past 2 days. One second I have been on cloud 9 and the next second my heart has been broken for someone I love. 

First off I am probably one of the luckiest people I know because I have such great examples of what a woman and a mother should be like. It makes me sad some people don't have anyone to teach them these things and I am spoiled to have 2 strong women in my life. I can honestly say they have made me who I am today.

My mama had her fourth out of six rounds of chemo yesterday and after the last round all I can do is pray for God to give her strength to and patience during these next few weeks. I am so happy they are going to give her fluids today and everyday next week and I am hoping that is the answer to keeping her home and what I guess you can call well or as well as she can be right now.

My mother in law was also on my mind all day yesterday. Right now she is suffering a loss, but like the truly faithful woman she is she is more worried about the people around her than getting mad and throwing in the towel. She always helps me put life especially tough situations into perspective because it is such a waste of time and to be angry and to just give in and give up. She is truly the epitome of  the saying when the going gets tough the tough get going.

Now on to the other side of my emotion roller coaster  My precious, hard working, honest, devoted, lovable, kind, goodhearted, determined, hilarious, calm, rational, hunky, better half has accepted a new position within his company. He will soon be an Program Clinical Consultant.
Right now he is a Foster care supervisor and he is on call every four weeks, he gets the shaft when he team isn't doing their work, has awful hours, and is so stressed I think his heart might give out before 35. With his new position he will NEVER be on call and he has been on call since we got married 4 and 1/2 years ago, doesn't have to drive into dangerous areas of Memphis, and a little more money doesn't hurt. I had a good feeling about his interview this time no matter what Brent said. He never likes to talk himself up or acknowledge how truly amazing he is, but I am working on teaching him that it is ok to toot your own horn sometimes. If you are good at what you do and you do it well then go right ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. 

So can you see where I am coming from? I am torn between all of these emotions and I just don't know which one to land on. I think I am going to do what I usually do and just keep going until I crash and then I won't have a moment to really stop and think about it. During the week I am so busy with school and trying to be as organized and prepared as I can possibly be. For some reason whenever I am sad or whenever I am praying something our Bishop always says always pops into my brain and it makes me feel better. 

God is Good All The Time And All The Time God Is Good.

It is so true. No matter how awful life seems and how bad things get All The Time He is Good and All The Time He Is There. I am going to try to remember this during those time all seems lost and everything seems dark. I feel like after we have the bad weeks where there is crying and worry and doubt that he touches our minds and says you will forget hoe bad this was so you can be string again and make it through the next bump without dwelling on this and lumping it together. It is a gift he gives us to be able to forget for a little while how bad things were so we can handle the next round of yuck better. Kind of like what I always say about being pregnant. God makes us forget because if we remembered how sick, miserable, and how much it hurt no one would ever do it again. 

I am looking forward to what next week brings. I feel like it can't get any worse and it can only go up from where we have been. I am going to just keep myself busy and like I said before if I just keep going and never stop and sit down I will be just fine. 

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